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    Am I (also) the cause???

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Symptoms of collapse

Going into the specific behaviour patterns, this is what you must have experienced. It did not happen overnight. It might have taken you both some time to reach this state of affairs. But if you are pointing your finger at the partner, please learn to internalize the gaze and find out whether you were also not committing the same mistakes.

These are some of the common problems that can become the cause of separation. It is not necessary that you experienced all of them, but you must have experienced at least a few:
  1. Taking the partner for granted. Doing things that disturb your partner, but you don't care.
  2. Finding faults in the partner and not accepting the same in yourself.
  3. Considering oneself very wise & smart and the partner dumb.
  4. Not accepting the partner with all his / her qualities and frailties.
  5. Too many expectations - and many of them being unrealistic.
  6. Expecting care from the partner, but not giving it back.
  7. Not appreciating the partner for whatever he / she does.
  8. Inability to understand the feelings and needs of each other.
  9. Irresponsibility regarding one's own duties and expecting too much from the partner regarding
    his / her duties.
  10. Pride and resulting anger.
  11. Doubting the integrity / character of the partner for very silly reasons.



  1. Adultery and related indifference to the partner.
  2. A lot of differences in basic qualities and inability to appreciate and accept.
  3. Immaturity - childish behaviour.
  4. Superiority / Inferiority Complex.
  5. Non-sharing of mutual problems, feelings etc.
  6. Selfishness to the extreme.
  7. Physical or mental abuse from the partner and his / her relatives.
  8. Undue attention to one's own friends and relatives and not caring for that of the other.
  9. Scorning the partner in front of others to prove that one is always right.
  10. In countries like India, there is the problem of dowry also.
Study these symptoms from the angle of 'Am I (also) the cause?' Ask yourself, do I want a temporary relief or a lasting cure? If circumstances change, is that a sufficient reason that I will also change? Do I want to change now?


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